i love accidental penises.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
