Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
wrigley field is MILF paradise
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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