I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
