When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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