There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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