it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
