About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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