i just wanna soil my oats bro
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
