And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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