My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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