in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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