Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize