bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
