You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize