Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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