the condom got lost in my hair
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
