I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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