I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
