Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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