There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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