my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
