so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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