That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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