Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
