He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hippo gnu deer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
