glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
