when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
