She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
