ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
