I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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