please come you make the beer taste better
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Less talking, more tequila
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
