Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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