the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
