I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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