We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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