you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
