I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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