I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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