i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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