That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize