she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
