please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Shame - the story of my life.
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