I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize