I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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