i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize