I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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