you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
