i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
