i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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