when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
