You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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