Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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