Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
