my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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