rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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