i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
