my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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