By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
