drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
