Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
