Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
