just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize