1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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