Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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